Amira Barger is an award-winning executive, author, and thought leader at the intersection of communications, health, and DEI. Her forthcoming book, The Price of Nice: Why Comfort Keeps Us Stuck—And 4 Actions for Real Change, challenges workplace culture’s obsession with “niceness” and offers a framework for creating meaningful change.
TAKEAWAYS
Nice vs Nerve
The hidden cost of niceness is that it trains us to accept the status quo without interrogating who it serves—often it’s used not to protect people, but to protect power. It teaches us to confuse being liked with being aligned and it confuses politeness or kindness with justice.
Nerve says, you know what? This matters. Let's pause here and unpack this some more.
Inquiry as a Strategy
Most progress doesn’t start with a perfectly worded statement. I find that for many people practicing nerve vs. nice can start with a well-timed question.
I once sat in a meeting where leadership was congratulating themselves on how inclusive this new initiative and something was not sitting right with me, so instead of confronting I just asked one question—Who did we design this for and who did we assume would adapt?
Micro actions are sometimes enough to shift the room, shift the conversation, or at least give the person on the receiving end something different to think about.