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Jun 16, 2026
Taking Risks to Restore the Self with Claire Durate
Taking Risks to Restore the Self with Claire Durate
00:00
27:14
Transcript
0:00
Today, we're welcoming Claire Duarte to the Fem Factor podcast.
0:04
Claire is the founder of The Columbia Mom, a social media and digital advertising platform that showcases local businesses and events in Howard County, Maryland and beyond.
0:14
Her goal is to help these businesses gain exposure, reach new customers, and through creative marketing strategies, The Columbia Mom has helped numerous businesses to connect with new customers and expand their exposure.
0:24
Welcome, Claire. We're so happy to have you. Thank you, guys. Thank you. I'm excited to be here. Well, we should say we were also on Claire's podcast, which was our first ever podcast interview, so- Yay.
0:35
[laughs] I didn't realize that. I don't think I realized that. Yes. You, you gave us some media training. We appreciate it. [laughs] Good. Exactly. You, you guys are the experts now.
0:44
We're happy to have a seasoned veteran, though, on. Well, you know, it's a strong word, but...
0:49
[laughs] We'd love to start with your transition story, as we often do here, talking about moving from psychology into The Columbia Mom. Yeah. Can you walk us through how that went?
1:01
I feel like I've had a lot of transitions in life, and, um, so I guess this is a really good topic for today and kind of, again, what made me so interested, um, with Fem Factor, right?
1:12
I think for a lot of people, you might have one major transition here in life, whether that's professional or several personal ones.
1:19
But for me, I guess on the professional side, I feel like I've, I've had several, and it's definitely been a big evolution for me and nothing that I ever set out or planned to be that way. Actually, you know what?
1:29
I'm gonna, I'm gonna be kind of silly, and I'm gonna go back, like, uh, that to, to point to this pattern of transitioning. My mom is a, um, career accountant, and I always thought that I'd be like her.
1:42
You know, I'm gonna do-- I'm gonna be an accountant, you know? She literally will be retiring next year for 45 years in organization. Um, kind of insane.
1:49
And, um, so in high school, uh, I took an AP Psych class and fell in love. So then I go into college, um, University of Maryland grad. I was a psych major there.
1:58
And admittedly, I mean, Maryland has a very rigorous, um, very competitive psych program, um, obviously graduate and, um, PhD level.
2:07
Um, so I knew that I wasn't gonna be going there for any higher level learning, um, 'cause it, it's very competitive. So I left school kind of like unclear exactly what I wanted my pathway to be.
2:18
So I, I worked several other jobs. You know, out of college, I was an admin assistant at a law firm, and then after that, I was a recruiter for a staffing agency up in Baltimore for a couple years.
2:30
And then in my early 20s, I was, you know, doing the whole finding myself kind of thing, and I was like, "You know what?
2:36
Uh, think I maybe really do wanna use more of the psychology," and that's when I decided that I wanted to become a therapist. I went back to school, University of Baltimore.
2:45
I got a job working at a community nonprofit doing crisis case management and PRP, which is psychiatric rehabilit- rehabilitation work, um, for essentially our poverty level populations in inner city Baltimore and Anne Arundel County.
3:00
Did that for five years. Um, completed my degree and got my master's degree in counseling psychology. And that whole time, I was tracked to be a therapist.
3:07
Towards the very end of my degree, I saw a best friend of mine from high school had started an executive function coaching business. And while I was in my master's, I was like, "What..."
3:15
I mean, again, good friend of mine was catching up and was like, "What is it that you're doing over there? Is it an MLM or is it your own thing?" She's like, "No, it's my own thing." And long story short, I jumped ship.
3:23
I, I graduated with my degree, but in order to become a therapist, you need like three additional credits in order to sit for the board, blah, blah, blah, and I forgo that.
3:31
And, um, and then, then I worked for her for another six years as a professional executive function coach working with teens, young adults, um, and adults in everything from academic, organizational, life skills.
3:41
Loved it, because at the time, it was a little bit more application-based of what I could kind of do in that world, even though my background's not in education.
3:49
You know, I could really bring a lot of the psychology and, um, therapeutic skills. I love the application base that I could kind of do that, um, in that format.
3:58
And I'm grateful for that because it was, uh, at a time where I'd gotten married. I could, uh, work from home, um, or, or make my own schedule. So now I just laid out maybe like three professional transitions.
4:12
Now one of the first, other than getting married, you know, major life transitions was having kids and then COVID. I don't need to go into, obviously, the, the transition or life blowing up, if you may.
4:24
Even though as flexible as that job was, you know, y- there's nothing that prepares you for having two under two trying to work from home with basically no childcare.
4:31
It's when, uh, I, I had to take a step back for my mental health. And, you know, I like to now say that I've been every version of a mom. I've been a full-time stay-at-home mom. I've been a part-time working mom.
4:40
Whatever. You know what I mean? [laughs] I've been every variation of that. I never saw myself as being a stay-at-home mom, so I had a lot of pain and emotion with that.
4:49
We talk about transitions, and I, I, I'm just mentioning that because I feel like with Fem Factor, there's so much when we talk about transitions. You know, yes, I think we're talking about the professional.
4:57
We can't ignore the personal because that's so mu- pa- a part of this, and I know that we need to honor that.
5:01
And that, that was an in-- point in my life where I, I had no choice but to have to honor that in order to move forward in any capacity.
5:09
Having some of that downtime while I kinda was like mentally recovering in the, in the height of having two babies and things like that, that's where the evolution of The Columbia Mom, um, kind of came to be.
5:20
Because as a millennial mom, like, I had certainly always been a user of social media. If you're thinking about COVID times, like, that's how we stay connected.
5:28
Um, for better or for worse, we wanna talk about our technology addict- addictions, but, you know.
5:33
[laughs] Um, and I had found myself in the social media space kind of doing a couple different things, and The Columbia Mom, um, started as just, like, a, a passion project, essentially.
5:46
I wanted to create what I didn't see existed here, uh, based out of Howard County, Maryland. Month or two in, I was like, "I, I could make this a business," and that's, that's what I did, you know?
5:57
Not knowing anything of what I was doing, and now here we are three, almost three, three and a half years later. This is the, the, the longer version of your transition question.
6:05
Looking back, there's so many times that, uh, that hit for me both-... professionally and personally that led me to this point.
6:12
I appreciate you sharing all of that because one of the, the themes that we see, and that were totally also in our lives, was the personal often leads the professional, right? Yeah.
6:22
Like, it's not really the other way around, for particularly for women and moms, where we need to figure out things like childcare and take care of ourselves when we can.
6:32
Um, I think this path is so interesting to follow because often we do have periods of high stress or, you know, intense, uh, working through ourselves and our identity after you become a mother. Yep.
6:47
And what has been really beautiful to hear in your story and others is that that often brings us to a point where we actually understand more of what we care about and are interested in, like really wanna do. Right.
6:59
And that's totally what happened for you, which I, I appreciate. And, and now I'm wondering like how did you go about starting it? You know, you realized that there was something there, and then what do you do next?
7:10
To this day, it's, it's a, a, you know, something that I'm constantly rubbing against, uh, the, or the friction in my life is, you know, I don't have a background in, in business, in finance, in economics, in, in marketing.
7:22
You know, the early years I started my business, you know, I, I struggled with imposter syndrome a lot because, A, I'm building something and I'm like, kinda don't even know what it fully is that I'm building.
7:33
I have an idea, right? Um, like so it's like what, what am I building? How do I even need to build it?
7:39
Uh, the first year or two struggled really hard with that imposter syndrome because, you know, I know some stuff about social media.
7:44
When I would go to these networking events, I still didn't define myself as a marketing professional. It took me a long time to even be okay with swallowing that concept.
7:54
Um, so when you say how did you, how do I even get started? I just, I still remember when I started was July 2022.
8:01
It was early July because we'd just gotten back from my sister's micro wedding, which I still laugh about 'cause it was like barely 25 people, and we came home with COVID, and we're like, "How did this happen?"
8:11
We got COVID for the first time in 2022. And I was laying upstairs in my bed, and it was the heat of summer. Our upstairs AC unit blew, and it was so hot.
8:21
And I'm laying there probably just de- literally delirious, and I'd been kind of thinking and mulling this over for a while.
8:27
Um, I had started to be in what I would call the mommy influencing space over the last two years, but I was kinda feeling like a little lost.
8:35
And so I was, had been nurturing this idea sort of in my head and talking with a friend, and I was like, "This might be the perfect way for me to kind of keep focusing what I wanna do on social media, even if I don't care if it's just a hobby and just that, this little fun thing."
8:50
But I can make that more specific 'cause people are gonna say, "You gotta niche down. You gotta niche down." You know what I mean? And I saw that as a way for me to niche down. Um, but I, I didn't know what I, what...
9:01
I didn't have a plan or a runway of what that could lead to, but when I real- When I had the idea of I could do more than just basic level mommy influencing kinda thing, and I realized if I wanted to target
9:14
business owners in this area and find a local niche, I need to go where these businesses are. You know, one month, one after, one month after starting, I joined the Howard County Chamber.
9:24
I joined the Business Women's Network because these business owners, you know, while some might be millennials, I'm not gonna find them on the channels that I'm primarily on.
9:33
I gotta go and meet them where they're at and meet them in person and get that footprint going. So that next year and, and to now, I hit pavement hard.
9:43
I was going to networking events constantly and going alone, knowing nobody, and didn't know what the heck I was doing.
9:50
I made business cards, um, like barely 48 hours before my first event, and walk in like, "I'm an influencer," like [chuckles] and then like, you know, I had no pitch, no nothing.
10:00
And at the time, I n- didn't even call what I was doing full-time. I was so conceptual, you know? Mm-hmm. And but I, I kept showing up.
10:08
And you know, that allowed me to meet more people, meet more contacts, keep creating content along the way.
10:17
I don't know that I would go so far to say that I'm really good at building the parachute on the way down, but that's probably all I know.
10:21
[chuckles] 'Cause, uh, the reality is, uh, you know, did I build this with a good, solid foundation on, from the bottom up? Not necessarily.
10:28
Uh, so if you're looking for a professional marketing strategist, um, you know, [chuckles] I might not have that full skill set, but I can say that, you know, I feel like I was just, you know, very good at you don't have to have the plan.
10:40
You can jump in and figure it out as you go.
10:42
I was just gonna say, learn as you go is probably just as good as any other plan because then you don't have any expectations that you have to like let go of or any sort of dogmatic beliefs that you have to get past.
10:56
Yeah. I mean, and then the reality is, I mean, I've made a thousand mistakes, a thousand of them. Admittedly, we all know this is a, a, a challenging year for all businesses. We're in a very tough market.
11:09
Um, but mistakes is kind of a hard word for entrepreneurs because... And obviously in life, I know it's so cliché, but all you can do is, you know, learn from them.
11:19
And you know, I was catching up with my mom the other day. She did say the best thing, which I think you guys might appreciate too, is that all, all choices in business are, are risks. Mm. Every single one.
11:31
You know, whether, whether it was highly calculated and planned next to the ones that were done on a complete whim.
11:38
There's times where I've had very heavy thought out, um, calculated plans that might not perform as well as I potentially hoped. Doesn't mean that it was a, a, a failure. Mm-hmm. You know?
11:51
And then there's times the opposite where the thing that I did on a whim, oh shit, that, that did pretty good. Much like starting this business, right? And then in those moments, we just say, "Oh, that was lucky."
12:01
And then the times when it fails, we're like, "Oh, that was dumb."
12:06
When the reality is, like, there's times where I've done things on a whim and it doesn't pan out, I'm like, "Well, no shit it didn't pan out, 'cause I didn't plan it well," [laughs] right? Right.
12:12
And then the calculated thing that does really well, well, like, no shit that went well because it was calculated, right?
12:17
Th- you can argue it every single way, but it doesn't take away from the simple core definitions that every single choice you make in business, everything is a risk. And it makes me think of safe choices are risks, too.
12:30
You know? Like, not starting your own business- Mm-hmm... a- and staying on the safe side is a risk for other reasons. If, if I wanted to have a plan, I would've never started. I would've never jumped in.
12:42
There's an aspect where I look back, I'm like, "Goddamn, if I w- I wish that I could've, like, redone this year in different ways." But the reality is, is because I didn't have that fear, I got started anyways.
12:53
I got started imperfectly. Mm-hmm. You know, one of my first client meetings, I didn't have a media kit, which you need in this industry. [laughs] I ha- I did not have a media kit. I didn't have a headshot.
13:04
I didn't have rates. I didn't have proposals. I didn't have contracts. I didn't have invoices. I... Frankly, it didn't even go [laughs] that well.
13:11
We can laugh about it now, 'cause I actually have a really great relationship [laughs] with him and his business. Um, and he has since come back, and we've worked together.
13:18
But I remember from the time that we met to, like, me trying to, like, send him over stuff, I literally spent the next, like, three days like, "Oh my God, I gotta build [laughs] a media kit, a contract, an invoice, and blah, blah, blah."
13:29
You kind of need to have that scrappiness. It's okay to be calculated. It's okay to play it safe, but it's also good to just embrace that fear and jump in and do it anyways.
13:42
Claire, do you have a kind of personal barometer for knowing that you made the right choice to do this? [laughs] And I'm cur- Oh, yes.
13:49
Because I've witnessed many women who have not just started their own businesses, but made these big transitions, that they feel in their gut that it was the right choice.
13:58
There's some flag that goes up that says, "That's what I needed." Mm-hmm. Is there one for you?
14:03
I still laugh at the question, because I'm just like, "Goddamn, I, I, I, you know, need a stronger barometer in many areas of my life." But [laughs] right?
14:11
Um, I go back to thinking about COVID times when I had to make that decision. My mental health was, was screaming at me. And it wasn't that I was ignoring it.
14:21
I of all people would know what depression, anxiety, postpartum would look like because look at my background. My, my, my body, internal self was literally falling apart, and those I knew were my check engine lights.
14:35
I am not okay. Took me a while to mentally even allow myself to be like, "Okay, you're not just struggling and this is hard. Like, I'm not okay."
14:43
And it was kind of swallowing that to then asking for help, following through with the help, and then having... Then, like, the one, two, three, four, if you can see my little hands.
14:53
The, [laughs] the four was needing to make choices to make my life better at the time. You know, your body will tell you.
15:02
I think for women, I do think we are a little bit more in tune to that within ourselves, because even if you are ignoring the mental, psychological side of that, your body will show the F up and tell you, 'cause you're gonna be exhausted.
15:15
You're gonna be achy. You're gonna feel it. If you're... Even if you're ignoring the anxiety, you're gonna have the physical symptoms of anxiety. You're gonna have the brain fog.
15:22
You know, the gut issues because, you know, your body's literally in fight or flight, right? Your body's gonna show up, um, you're going to have all this, all the ch- the lights are gonna be going off.
15:32
It's just a matter of how are you going to respond to them, and will you? Will you answer the call kind of thing. I think we are good at it being in tune with that.
15:43
I know we struggle with answering the call because duty calls, right? We don't always have the ability to slow down, much like it took me a while to answer those calls or realize that I needed to.
15:55
Once the pain got way too much, I realized I, I can't ignore this, even if I didn't think that I was trying to ignore this. I am in too much pain. I have to answer this call in order for me to be okay.
16:08
I kinda feel like for me, it's, it's just this very visceral, psychosomatic feeling. Like, feel it, like, sort of that, that weird spot between, like, your chest and your stomach, right?
16:19
It just literally feels like it's right in the center of you, 'cause your stomach feels like it's in knots. Your chest feels tight, right? It's just this... It's just a very visceral feeling.
16:28
I mean, that's obviously the extreme of, like, when it gets that bad, right? Our goal and hope is that we don't let it get that bad for us. Um, and I don't always.
16:36
But at least in the COVID time, that was absolutely my barometer.
16:41
I will say that's, has influenced how I grew and scale my business, knowing that I was like, and from watching my parents grow up, I was like, I refuse to run a business in burnout.
16:52
I refuse to put that pressure on myself. I'm not afraid of hard work and putting the work in, but I refuse to kill myself doing something just b- just because I love it.
17:01
Um, it's not fair to me, but it's not fair to my family. It's not fair to even the business that I'm trying to do and the clients I'm trying to serve.
17:09
You know, and that influenced me hire, you know, hiring people earlier than other people might have said I could or should or what.
17:17
But having that extra footprint allowed us to do more, even if that meant that I was making, n- not making any more for myself or... You know what I mean?
17:25
So that's already pro- my, my long-winded answer of, you know, yes, I think I do respond to the gut. Um, it, it is a challenging one.
17:34
I think there's a lot of reality there in that it's not necessarily logical or financial or practical choices. It's not necessarily we can look at those things and say, "Financially, this is a better choice.
17:48
100%, I need to do it this way." But if you are miserable, you can use something, that as an indicator of it's worth changing. It's worth doing something different.
17:57
Or to say to yourself, "I am happy," and then this is worth preserving, because this is something that saves my sanity and makes me feel- Right...
18:04
satisfied, and use that as a, a checkpoint for whether or not you're in the right place. I, it's very difficult for me to argue for myself, for my own wellbeing against other...
18:16
logical choices for financial and practical, whatever. Right.
18:20
But to give yourself permission to say that I am as important a part of this equation as any other thing seems to play out in your story, that you're making this choice that you are just as valuable to be preserved as all those other factors.
18:34
You said that so beautifully, and woo, not gonna cry, right? [laughs] Um, I, I think, I think that's so true.
18:41
There was a kind of like a part two-ish bit to the previous question you had where, you know what I mean, you asked about the barometer, but then, like, are there other indicators that you sorta, like, knew that that was the right decision that you're kind of hinting at even now.
18:53
And as you were s- saying, I was like, 'cause it's in those hard moments, right?
18:57
It's not necessarily happiness that, that I'm chasing because happiness comes as a byproduct of once you can feel, whether it's, whether, whatever you're, whatever it is that you're seeking in these moments of transition.
19:09
Because- Mm-hmm... I feel like transition comes out of a time of friction. Right. However, however that's defined or however that looks sometimes, because it's not always d- directly painful or emotional.
19:19
It just might be my life is out of balance. Yeah. You know? Um, needs might not be meeting met, or life can be perfectly in balance, but you're not fulfilled. Mm-hmm. So that's what I mean by friction.
19:29
It c- it can come... The s- the source doesn't matter, right? I know I'm a dopamine chaser, don't get me wrong, and, and I know that very much in my h- core.
19:37
But for me, in that moment, I don't wa- I didn't care about being happy. [laughs] I just wanted to be okay.
19:41
And so, you know, for instance, so starting therapy, uh, you know, going down that treatment road and then, um, you know, and then realizing, and it had to come from my therapist to be like, "You know, think that, you know, reducing your workload might help the situation."
19:59
And oh, my God, the pain and emotion with me even trying to swallow and accept that concept. Step two wasn't tell my boss.
20:05
Step two was, like, fathom the possibility and even idea that I would tell my boss and even have this conversation, right? But the feedback of knowing I made the right choice was the mental alleviations, the ripples.
20:18
I, I keep going back to that, you know, that body feeling of like, I can feel like I have a little bit of air in my lungs again. I'm getting, you know, my therapist and I will use the term bandwidth, right?
20:28
I'm getting a little bit more calm back. I'm getting a little bit more mental stability back. 'Cause A do- A doesn't equal B. It's not just, like, one thing and then, oh, I'm gonna be so much happier.
20:38
I need these incremental things- Yeah... to help me to get there. And happiness, to me, is kinda the byproduct.
20:46
If I get there, that's great, but I can't feel happy if I'm not safe, secure, mentally stable, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. I mean, this is really the journey, right?
20:53
Like, this is really the underpinning journey for any kind of transition. It's, it's not the LinkedIn profile. It's, it's much- [laughs]... goes much deeper. Ain't that the truth. And, and it's incredibly personal.
21:05
There, I mean, there's so many more other indicators. I'm pointing to a very personal journey of mine, and that's directly related to stabilizing mental health and prioritizing that, you know?
21:15
But other, other indicators of, do I have more time with my kids and my family, my spouse? Do I f- do I feel fulfilled, you know? And those are all so incredibly valuable and important, you know?
21:28
Because in our society, in our culture, we are taught to chase the, the stable jobs, the things that will bring us stability. Because let, that is a, another actual human need. We need stability.
21:41
We need home, shelter, food. [laughs] But when we ignore that other side of ourselves, the, those passions, those interests, that's where we become, um, unbalanced.
21:50
Particularly in women, because we are the ones that are gonna experience the, the biggest transition of our lives by having children and, and being potentially primary raisers of them.
21:59
Um, so those hormonal shifts and things in our life often forcibly thrust us into looking at that under the microscope a little bit more.
22:10
So in ways, I'm grateful for that, but obviously, I think for women as a whole, it can make it very painful for us when we're evaluating and trying to make those choices because we're being forced to choose between many different parts of ourselves.
22:23
Do we wanna be the professional or the mom? I wanna chase something that I'm passionate about, but I'm scared about our financial stability. Like, it's so challenging.
22:32
Every woman that I've spoken to has felt that tension between these different parts of themselves, and at different times, one is prioritized and then over another.
22:41
It's not that it's wrong or right, but rather the constant balancing, rebalancing, reevaluating, which feels better, which feels worse, that sort of thing. But very familiar experience. Yeah. No, it's so true.
22:53
One of the things you said piqued my interest, which was you hired earlier than maybe some people would've advised, but that actually freed up time for you.
23:02
Can you talk to us about how you decided when and who to bring onto your team and, and how that helped you evolve as a leader and the business evolve?
23:11
It, a- admittedly, you know, growing your business and, and growing your team are, are very challenging things to navigate, and I am in no way an, an expert [laughs] i- in all those decision-making processes, you know?
23:26
Um, in full disclosure, you know, the, with the market that we're having, you know, I, I had to reduce my team, um, recently, and so many painful [laughs] emotions that come with that, you know?
23:39
There's many things I would do differently, but it doesn't erase the, the answers that I have to your questions. Because there's still a part of me that I still wouldn't have done anything differently in that regard.
23:49
Like, I'm still kind of proud that I could recognize what I was capable of and what I could handle. You know, I was, like, realizing I have a couple different ways I could kind of keep growing this slowly on my terms.
24:02
Option two, keep growing this slowly while also trying to do everything and stay up all hours of the night and put all these demands on myself.
24:11
Or do I try risk box number one [laughs] of not giving business advice or saying that what I did was the correct way, but started hiring my first contractors and paying them with some of my personal funds before the business could.
24:25
It allowed me to Obviously, I, I produce a bunch of social media content.
24:30
Allowed me to keep staying over there while having somebody else help support doing blog writing to keep our website footprint growing a little bit, something that I, I just didn't have time to do while doing the content side.
24:44
And it was worth it. You know? Having that SEO footprint being kind of baked in, because it takes a...
24:49
That's a, a longer game, allowed, um, our website to build great traffic and great momentum to the point that we've literally gotten...
24:56
Even though the majority of our referrals often come from Instagram or seeing us, you know, from Instagram and then obviously in-person networking events, having the footprint that we have, uh, I was like, "Okay, well, that, that was clearly the right choice."
25:09
You know, I invested in people that knew their shit. You know, always surrounding yourself with people that are smarter than you. I mean, that's, I know it sounds so cliche.
25:19
These people on my team were just absolutely phenomenal and, um, and they killed it.
25:24
So it just, it really doubled and tripled our, our abilities and our abilities to then take on more clients and allow that portfolio to kind of build and grow and scale in many different ways, um, and allowed us to have the opportunity to take on and do different projects.
25:41
Um, does that mean that I did it all in the right way? [laughs] Um, you know, uh, like, like I said, every, every choice in business has a risk.
25:52
And, um, there's no way to do it perfectly because there's a thousand different ways to reach success. I would still do the same thing over and over again.
26:00
I, I feel like, I don't know who said it or if I'm just making it up to make my brain feel better. You can do it calculated or you, or you can play it safe or not, and I was like, "Screw it.
26:10
I'm gonna hire somebody to help me." And I do think hire before you're ready, because what that allows you to do is pretty darn amazing.
26:17
Well, on that note, um, I wanna say thank you so much for sharing your experience and being so vulnerable about the personal and the professional combination, because we know that exists for everyone, and I think you sharing your story will really resonate with others.
26:34
It certainly does with Rach and I. I mean- Mm-hmm... we, we have very similar patterns of transition and, uh, figuring out what we wanna do. So thank you so much. Yay. Thank you, guys.
26:45
Can you, can you tell folks where they can find you? So on Instagram, um, I am the.columbiamom, and our website is thecolumbiamdmom.com. We're also on LinkedIn.
26:58
Our podcast is "Mom Talk Maryland," which you can find directly from our website, but also on Apple, Spotify. Those are our primary channels. Feel free to sign up for our newsletter to, you know, stay in the HoCo know.
27:10
Awesome. Well, thank you again, Claire. It was great talking with you. Love you guys.
FemmeFactor
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